I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
