i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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