it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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