i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
