I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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