Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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