i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
