You can't special order awesome
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
