would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
