Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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