i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
