the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
