I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
