Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
