If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
