My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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