I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
