no, he came in my armpit
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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