The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
