awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
