I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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