So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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