We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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