its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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