Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
