an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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