return my video game
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
