I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
