I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
