i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just high enough for therapy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sext me about skeletons
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
