CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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