getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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