Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
