Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
