Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize