But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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