May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize