if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
