this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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