When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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