Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
