Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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