you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
