Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
