Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Text me some of your sweat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
