Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
