whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
