It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
