it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
