"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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