theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
