I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
