Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
