who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
