Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You made out with two different species that night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize