is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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