I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize