So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
