So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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