Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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