He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
