I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't make out with my wife yet
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
