dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
