my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
