Your dad touched me again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I want her autograph on my taint
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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