I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we should paint friendship bongs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
