like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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