You just made me feel so damn special
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
