She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
