I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
