hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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