Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
