He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
