Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
