After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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