sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
